You will find on this subreddit, lots of subject matter experts! So you will find lots of people to chat with here. I would suggest that you take a bit of time doing the soul searching, building your own understanding and self-awareness before you jump to far down this rabbit hole with us. And before you start engaging with people online, make sure you have engaged with your wife. I know what its like to have a big family, to have been married for a long time. When my husband and I got into all of this, it was a mutual decision. We slowly put our toe into the water and we did it together. Both of us understanding what we wanted from this type of experience.

I always give the 4 types of sex lecture.

Dating Sex - Its your best show-pony sex. You are doing (what you feel comfortable with) as part of the courting ritual. Are you compatible?

Love Sex - I love this man and he loves me and in our marital bed we share loving and tender moments, the touch of each other's skin, holding and being held.

Procreation Sex - It's kid time! Yay! Let's make a baby! Sure you may have to set a timer, mark a calendar, sneak home for lunch, expend a lot of money on test kits, but honey you are getting down to it in baby making mode!

Recreational Sex - We are done (perhaps just for now) with Procreation, we are kids dating anymore, we still have romantic loving sex from time to time but perhaps not everyday. So it's time to spice things up. At first its a sexy outfit, perhaps a toy, watching a video with him on how to be very successful with oral sex! Its getting hot, its getting steamy, it's getting kinky, and then hmmmm.... how about we add someone else into our fun?!?!? It's about receiving GREAT, hot, pleasure and giving GREAT, hot, pleasure!