My wife and I have considered that we might be OK with anything from parallel play up through soft-swapping.

First - this is perfectly ok. Too many people believe that swinging or recreational sex requires you to have sexual intercourse with others. It does not. We have very close friends who we play with often monthly, whose boundary is intercourse. We have great oral sex. Both are highly skilled at oral! We go out to dinners together, go to the clubs, concerts, shows and we have had each other over to our homes many times. We are great friends.

Just be clear with each other on what your boundaries are. Revisit it from time to time because things change, even in marriages and especially within marriages.

Boundaries can not only involve what types of play you have but with whom you are willing to play with. Labels such as "soft swap" are too vague sometimes.

Finally, be upfront with couples or solos before you get naked with them. Tell them what is ok and what is not ok.

For most, this is a reality check...

From my wife’s and my perspective: we’re very well-satisfied with one another in bed, but also interested in new things. Problem is, we’ve just about run out of new things to try that appeal to both of us. For us, the joy of sex is in the intimacy more than the sensations - so virtually everything in the typical kink/fetish repertoire just kind of feels “meh” and out of character for us.

I truly LOVE SEX! But sex can get boring... you do run out of things to do, new things to try. Sure Fetishes can be fun... but not all are of interest. I learned I loved restraints and Shibari, but dressing up and pretending to be a cat with a girlfriend bored me to tears, (*she had a great time with it). So when we feel "meh" what do we do? The FACT is that great sex can take a lot of planning, empathy, understanding, and creativity. Another FACT is, that swinging and having recreational sex with others can be just as boring.

The big answer is "Creativity"! Treat your recreational sex as an adventure. My favorite is the "Naughty Weekend" which I and my husband take turns planning. Our favorite, before we moved there, was a Naughty Weekend in Vegas. The challenge, see who could make the other the most horny. Have great sex in strange places. Go toy shopping. Shop for some sexy outfits and play dress-up.

For us, the joy of sex is in the intimacy more than the sensations - so virtually everything in the typical kink/fetish repertoire just kind of feels “meh” and out of character for us.

This is actually a wonderful thing. As I have stated before, there is the sex we have recreationally and the sex that we have for love and intimacy. But when you feel "meh", that's when creativity and the fun of exploration can take over. This doesn't mean that you have to have sex with others, this means you have to be the team you are and apply yourselves to being creative and exploring, taking and making new sexual adventures together... with each other.

For Father's Day, I purchase a new bra and thong from Victoria's Secret. A new skirt that was tight but did not ride up but not enough to expose anything, a low cut sheer blouse so he could see the sexy new lingerie, and I took him to the Pinball Museum and played pinball with him. I wore those extra high very uncomfortable heels so I had to pose to bend over to play. And I would give him my best slutty pose bent over when it was my time to play the machine. When he played the machine, I nibbled his ear lobe and whispered everything I was going to do to him when we got home. Our sex that night was not "meh". Give it a try!

Loved this part... the part bolded below...

My wife and I have considered that we might be OK with anything from parallel play up through soft-swapping. But if we do this, none of us will be experienced at any of it. And it’s important to us to make sure everyone feels cared for, all the time.

I am asked a lot, almost more than any other question, "what makes Christians special in the lifestyle". That sums it up. It important that people feel loved, cared for, special, happy, in short, we care about the lives and feelings of others, living up to Christ's "Great Commandment".

I know I know... writing too much, but there is a lot to say here.

My wife and I have considered that we might be OK with anything from parallel play up through soft-swapping. But if we do this, none of us will be experienced at any of it. And it’s important to us to make sure everyone feels cared for, all the time. The draw to this for us is the sexual energy and increased intimacy with friends we trust, much more so than just doing sexy things with new people. (No judgement toward those who do mostly want a variety of sex experiences with different partners. That just doesn’t work for us.)

Again, this is what makes Christians in the lifestyle so special. Now before the slings and arrows hit, yes I have met Christians who were not good people and yes I have had sex with secular couples who were very caring and expressed all of the above. So we are talking here in generalities.

In your explorations, do not lose that "draw". The special energy and the warmth of the bonding that can take place. One thing I love is everyone taking a shower, getting soapy and cleaning each other after a long high energy play time.

Whew... the final post on this posting.

Anybody out there have a similar relationship? When you decide to play together, what settings work for all four of you, and how do you get into things? I’m not asking for stroke stories, but I am interested in as much practical detail as you’re willing to give. I feel like it would help our decision making if we could better understand what things might look like. We’re a little caught up in the excitement of new possibility right now… maybe a little too much so.

Many of us have similar relationships. Hopefully you feel that after reading the other posts made. Hopefully you can answer some of these questions yourself now. There is very little I can add, but one last bit is sharing your Naughty Weekends with others. Every so often I plan a "Hot Weekend" and invite our favorite couples from all over the country, and a few unicorns as well. And we all go someplace. Sometimes in taking the RVs and other times staying in hotels. I could write a book on the planning, the build-up, the plane ride, seeing everyone again, the activities, and the sex. Sigh... I need a Naughty Weekend and soon!

So you gave us a lot to unpack here. So I am going to respond with several posts. The first topic is "Swinging with Friends".

I know there’s some conventional wisdom in the community that says never swing with friends. I’ve read up on many of those experiences, and I understand why that advice is given. We might ultimately decide not to proceed, but I’m comfortable that we’ll be able to make that decision on our own.

The conventional wisdom is not that you should "not swing with friends" - I fully support that. What the conventional wisdom is that you not approach "vanilla" friends and try to talk them into swinging. This can end a friendship VERY fast. Yes, there are the occasional eureka moment where this works well, but more often than not, it goes badly.

But when I "Play", or when "we" have recreational sex as a couple, with other couples and solos, most of them are friends. Have become friends. Have been to the house for dinner, a pool party, a holiday meal. You are sharing the most personal of intimacies, friendships should be a natural evolution. And we are always up for making new friends, in the lifestyle, and in the vanilla world.