I contacted a couple from a site and it’s looking like we’ll meet soon. I struggle with loving Jesus and really liking sex and just about anything kinky and question if I am trying to reconcile two areas of my life that are irreconcilable? I really enjoy living life abundantly and to the full! Having a penchant for adventure is a gift He has given me. Am I using my gift incorrectly? If a couple wants to introduce a third into their relationship am I just a tool? Or am I another that brings joy and value and boosts their affection and serves them in humility and in love? These are questions to myself and the Spirit who lives within me as I try to work out my thoughts and attitudes. Am I justifying just to have my own way? I don’t want it to be all about me! And that may sound crazy but I want my heart attitude to be right. So many questions. And this forum may be the only one that relates to this internal struggle. I hate having to deny my affinity for all things sexual around my Christian friends to fit the Christian mold. My apologies for ranting about this but I have nowhere else to bring two things that are of upmost importance to me and that seems wrong to me. We’re not talking in the church and it’s frustrating! Lord bless you all.
I wrote a post 2 months ago with a concern about participating in this lifestyle by being a third with a couple. I questioned an impact in my walk with Christ and if I was just being selfish.
I did participate but not in the original context. That situation was a couple in the “hotwife” lifestyle. I didn’t like being “just another” I guess.
Instead, I assisted a couple where he has issues with performance and she was in need of a release after a long time. They mutually agreed.
Contrary to my fears that I conjured up, I believe that I served them and fulfilled a need and that is what I am supposed to do.
It turned out to be better than I had expected because I believe there was purpose.
I like the sense of consideration that emanates in this group. I was advised that I had a lot to unpack when I wrote my first post and that was true! I have resolved where I stand. Thank you all!
In your opinion it would compromise self-worth. There is no evidence that it would (or admittedly would not). Society frowns on sex, it lets us promote it to sell a product, movie or a TV show, but when we practice the pleasure and skills involved with sex, everyone suddenly claims it to be a horrible thing.
You have left a lot to unpack here. All of these questions are great questions. And almost all are questions that no one can answer for you. Nor should you let them answer them for you.
All I can suggest is that you ask yourself a different question as a starting point. What values are important to you? Are you more a giver or more a taker? To you value trust, give trust, accept trust, and preserve trust?
This may seem odd in light of all of the questions you poised to this post of a sexual nature. But you used some key words, some very important words. Life, Gift, Tool, Humility, Love, Spirit and you wrapped them around your context for sex and for being Christian.
Find a moment of peace and think about the ideas of trust, giving, and taking. You may wonder why I do not add love to that list. Love is important, very important. So important that I think I would die, no I know I would die without it. Because this is so obvious it is why I leave it off the list. I am betting that you understand that part well.
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Thank you!