Pressure to change boundaries...

I had pressure within my marriage when I first met my husband. There were new things he wanted to try. And by honest admission there were new things that I wanted to try.

Overtime, I have decided that it is easier to define the boundaries that I won't cross and I expect him to never cross. These are boundaries that would impact our marriage but not our sex lives. Our boundaries that are based on trust and mutual respect for each other.

My sexual boundaries have been moving since the first time I had sexual intercourse. Prior to that, my boundary was hand-jobs - OK, oral - OK, copping a feel under my bra - OK. A little finger banging - OK. But intercourse was out of the question. In my early 20s, my limits were two positions - missionary and doggy. Perhaps a bit of spooning, but that was tricky in the back seat of a car and really unneeded I suppose. It was actually a big deal for me to have a guy go down on me. It took a time to relax and realize - not only was this not a boundary, but it was a boundary if IT WAS NOT happening. Oral is now my happy place.

So what I would suggest that many consider; sure - sexual boundaries are there and you will likely cross them, perhaps based on pressure, perhaps based on changes in comfort level, perhaps based on simply rethinking what you would like to try. As a side note that fits right here in the discussion, I have seen men and women get tied up to a St. Andrew's cross for the first time, and suddenly discover that a few restraints, perhaps some flogging, tickle time, and anyone of a dozen things that can happen to someone, can be a huge sexual turn-on.

But the boundaries that define your relationship or relationships (thinking poly) should never change because if they do, that is likely the end of the relationship. For me, that is trust and respect. And of course... LOVE.