(M) I became a Christian when I was 18. I was a virgin and masturbated carefree until my Bible study talked about how they struggled with jerking off. That set me on a shame spiral because I loved jerking off to porn. But as you probably know it added a new kind of rush to the experience.

Fast forward I get married as a virgin, hoping that sex will free me from my sexual chains but it doesn’t. Going into online chat rooms and masturbating with married women brings a new exciting feeling. A couple of years of that lead to me physically cheating for the first time. The feeling of someone new, doing all the things my wife won’t do for me. Appreciating me even lol.

Fast forward another 10 years. Multiple affairs. Some cracks in the heart from lovers. Lots of wild sinful sex. I still crave it. Still pursue it. Keep the secrets safe like my own personal dark treasure chest. I don’t feel guilty anymore, I am a free sexual creature and understand that I have needs that will be fulfilled and I can have the perfect family on the surface and keep my kinks intact.