Ever since I went on a date with someone on Monday I’ve been feeling less and less of an inclination to watch porn or do stuff online the past few days.

Part of it I know is due to absolute exhaustion with homework in the last stretch of school. But I’ve also started something different a few weeks ago.

I stopped trying to feel bad or beat myself up and accept the addictions I have as just a messed up part of me, and started really hoping and praying quietly that God changed my attitude or physical urges towards lustful things. I haven’t entirely stopped feeling bad. I’ve still been so depressed and tired that it’s hard to get out of bed, porn is still the first thing I roll over and go to on my phone. I almost ended up late to work today because of that. (Hilariously I later waved at the girl I went out with across campus as I scootered to class).

So, I don’t know if God is answering my mustard-seed-of-faith level prayers and finally rewiring my brain or soul the way I’ve begged him to, or if I’m just going through a temporary exhaustion and with the positive benefit of less porn and no masturbation for about three days now (a 2024 record so far). I also can’t help but wonder if the girl I’m into has subconsciously inspired me to start doing better than I ever have before.

Anyways, I’m just kind of glad I’ve been outrunning the lustful thoughts and actions lately. Any advice or encouragement would be nice.

In fun news, anyone else watching X-Men ‘97? Haven’t seen this week’s episode yet, but I’m loving it. It’s been giving me a midweek boost to look forward to.