My mother passed away the day after Thanksgiving in 2016 and just when I felt like I could breathe again my father passed away August 31,2018.

Now what makes this hard for me (not that it was easy for anyone) is that at 33 years old the longest I was moved away from my parents was less than 2 years. I am their only child and they never wanted me to leave. I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) for a little while and then moved back. When I got married they got scared I was going to move away but I told them I never would.

My father was 59 when he passed and mom was 62. My father was a strong offshore worker and was on his rig 2 weeks before he passed. He thought he had pnemonia...it wasnt. It was end stage lung cancer that included a tumor around his heart and tumors in his brain. He didnt seem that sick. Mom had been declining for years but never did I think that was going to happen. Neither one was I prepared for. I have been married for almost 12 years. I have been through hell with miscarriages and health problems but this I was not prepared for.

Today was a horrible day for me. Everything made me cry and think of my parents. Some days I dont know how I can go on and have a normal life. I know this is how its supposed to be and that its happened to everyone but I feel so alone. In our house there is no one else I am related to by blood. I have never felt so alone.

I dream about my mother nightly. Rarely do I dream about my father. I worry about bills all the time cause to my dad that was his job. I was spoiled. I am spoiled. I am scared. I would give anything to have them back.

I dont know what the point of this is..other than to just vent I suppose.