Ok so l have this memory of being really young and I was in a room at night with my oldest sister. I remember her kissing me and me not really liking it but her just kinda going on until she was done. But the thing is idk if this really happened. I remember it very vaguely but what I do remember feels very real to this day. Sometimes i think it was dream but the most important thing that I can remember was the actual feeling of us kissing and how much I hated it. You don't really remember the actual physical feeling of things in your dreams the way I remember this. I remember years ago me and my older sister were having a conversation and she asked me if I had ever had my first kiss and I was like "yeah you" not really thinking much about it at the time as this was years after the incident but I was still really young. She just laughed about it and said it didn't happen and for years I never thought about it until recently. Now it just constantly pops up in my head and I wonder weather or not it really happened. Ik sometimes abuse as a child can be so traumatic that you forget as a lot of my childhood besides certain moments are almost completely forgotten, but I don't think this was bad enough for my brain to forget it? I don't necessarily think that this traumatized me but I do wonder if this did happen could it be apart of the reason as to why my mind is such a mess in my adult life? (I'm 20 now ) I also wonder if it is true then why did she do it? I would ask her but me and her have a pretty solid relationship nowadays so I would hate to bring up old drama plus if it didn't happen then that would be really awkward. But it's suddenly bothering the hell outta me because I feel like I'll never know.