I consider myself to have healed a lot since my childhood. I spent years working through it all, then finally got up the nerve to leave my high control religious bubble and eventually drop contact with my family. I have friends, a strong support system, I’m living in paradise, and becoming financially stable, while actively working towards my dreams.

And yet, not a day goes by where I don’t think about my childhood extensively. The flashbacks have diminished a tonne, and the nightmares are almost non existent, but I think about the abuse every single day. I still struggle big time with intimacy and have come to the conclusion that I’ll just never be in a relationship. I’m pretty comfortable with that.

Will there ever be a day where this stops plaguing me? Will I ever stop thinking about it? For just a day? A week would be heaven! I feel like I’m giving them so much power, but I just don’t know how to take the next step in healing. How do I stop thinking about it?! Will my mind ever stop thinking about it? Or does this just follow me forever?