I'm new to the "alternative lifestyle" community, yet to have my first experience.

I've been married twice and only ever had heterosexual, monogamous relationships, but I've always been Bi-Curious and intrigued by the perspective of casual sex as "play" in contrast to the more traditional, religious views about sex and sexuality I was raised by.

With that said, I have a lot of questions, and I'd like to hear what it was like for others the first time (or few times) you Hooked Up with someone for the sole purpose of sexual gratification.

The idea of meeting up with an online stranger(s) knowing that we're just getting together to get each other off seems like it will always be a bizarre and awkward situation no matter who it's with.

FWBs, NSA, ONSs; JO Buddies, Car Head, Glory Holes, Hotel Pump and Dumps; Hot Wife, Cucking, all of it ... how do you just get over what seems would be an uncomfortable, innate sense of tension or self-consciousness?

What about feelings of remorse, feeling "dirty", or spiraling into a personal, moral dilemma; like you've just done something shameful that you can't undo, crossing a line you can't uncross.

I'm 49 years old, and despite my "secret fantasies", I've had a fairly Vanilla sex life.

I'm trying to gain some insight as to what I might expect to think or feel after having my first bisexual experience; stroking another guy's cock, and giving and receiving head from another dude, or having 3-some with a M/F Married Couple.

I was raised with religion, and the first 12 years of my life it was as a Catholic ... there's a lot of guilty, shame-based psychology involved in that early programming, so I really want to know what I might expect, because I'm anxiously anticipating some sort of conflicted backlash, and as the old saying goes: You can't put the Genie back in the bottle!

I can't help that I feel like a 49 year old virgin about to get my cherry popped, but that's what this anxious Q&A is all about!

Can anyone relate?

I want to make clear to others where I'm at (stepping out into the great unknown with trepidation), while also trying to gain perspective to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the experience and the aftermath as well.

I could very well L💓VE the Kink lifestyle and naturally settle in with the greatest of ease (it always hurts the first time, right?!); I might just be killing myself with unnecessary anxious anticipation and over-analyzing wholly imagined scenarios for nothing, but the expectation of enjoying an experience isn't a concern people trouble themselves with, ya know?

If anyone has any insight, I'd really like to hear your story.

Thanks.