Me: I have yellow teeth and have owned one suit since graduation. I am 49 years old, married, but can easily pass for 60 from overexposure to UV light. I am 3’2 in height (think mini me)I have strong determination because I quit drinking 9 times in the past 7 days and today it will stick.
You: I don't have a type but these are must qualities. You must be employed to support me when Public Assistance is spent on cigarettes, beer, and fireworks. You have a muted sense of smell and hearing for when the fireworks start in my colon from said cigarettes and beer. You have a car to drive me around to pay my cell phone and electric bills. You can read gibberish because that is how I text.
US Only — We will dine at McDonalds, drink the Champagne of Beers- Miller High Life, and engage in public displays of affection. On special occasions, we can play dine and dash at the Red Lobster. Once you get through all of my flaws I will ghost you for the waitress at Red Lobster, who has three baby daddies and a peg leg.
THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY!
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