Me: I have yellow teeth and have owned one suit since graduation. I am 47 years old but can easily pass for 60 from overexposure to UV light. I have strong determination because I quit drinking 9 times in the past 7 days and today it will stick.
You: I don't have a type but these are must qualities. You must be employed to support me when Public Assistance is spent on cigarettes, beer, and fireworks. You have a muted sense of smell and hearing for when the fireworks start in my colon from said cigarettes and beer. You have a car to drive me around to pay my cell phone and electric bills. You can read gibberish because that is how I text.
US Only — We will dine at McDonalds, drink the Champagne of beers, Miller Light, and engage in public displays of affection. I live in a hotel so no need to get another. On special occasions, we can play dine and dash at the Red Lobster. Once you get through all of my flaws I will ghost you for the waitress at Red Lobster, who has three baby daddies and a peg leg.
THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY!
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- 1 year ago
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