I’ve become very conscious of the feeling of precipice. Of the proximity of the edge.
I’m fairly certain that it’s just the perception. Going over the edge is not something I’m particularly fond of, but you know how it is. It calls to you, doesn’t it?
"Get closer."
It doesn’t matter if you’re afraid. You have to get to the edge. Feel the dizziness of the height.
"Go over. Go over."
I’m interested in finding someone who knows how that feels. Someone who is drawn to a bit of a mess, like I am. Maybe we can be messes together. Now, we can be high-functioning messes…that might even be preferable. But, someone I can hold hands with as we peer over the edge into oblivion. Whether that be standing defiantly, or crawling on her bellies just to take a peek.
I’m not sure what this hunger is within me that isn’t content with…contentment? That needs the thrill of…doom? Is that what I’m seeking? But maybe you have that hunger as well? And, you know…I don’t think any of us are rushing off to meet our doom, but we can at least talk about that drive? That hunger? We can commiserate over our need for it, and the lack of it.
I just find people with that hunger more interesting, I suppose. And I hope, if you’re out there, to find you. Let’s share our hunger, our need. And maybe find something worthwhile.
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