hello, I am struggling to figure out where I belong because while many links involve my newfound kink it doesn't ever fit exactly anywhere... let me explain...

I have a boyfriend. He has cheated on me 5 times during the course of our 2 year relationship... at first i mean i literally went bat shit i was so mad... but then it happened again and again and again... and these last couple times i think i pretended to be more upset then i was and demanded he let me read his texts with them and fuck... i was so fucking wet.... and i've come to realize that i want him to cheat on me again... i like reading the texts... imagining what it would have been like to be a fly on the wall... so i told him he could fuck other women and it's like he's nervous that i'm saying it's okay but it's not so he holds back and that's lame lol...

I'd love to find some one to fuck him and not tell him i know about her so that he thinks i don't know even though i do. i have asked him about this and he said he loves it but it would be hard because if he's not talking to others on his own he will know i sent him someone... but, lately i have seen all the signs of him talking to people again and i feel like here's my chance to slip one in there..., so she can send me screenshots and he can be truly him... Where or how would i go about finding someone? is this considered an ethical practice? is this truly an out of pocket unrealistic idea/hope? please any advise or guidance would be so helpful to me.

Thank you!