My marriage was very bad for a long time to the point where I wanted to leave but didn’t because of my kids and financial reasons. I was on Ashley Madison for a while (don’t do that it is a absolute racket and most of the women on there are fake), and I almost had an affair. I have constantly looked for sex on the side but also an emotional connection. My marriage got better for a while and now I’m at a point where I’m not happy but not 100% miserable either but the intimacy is dead. But what I realized by being propelled into a cheating mindset is that the vows mean something to me, I want to be married I live I love being married and having kids but I miss my freedom at the same time and I believe that I’m capable of loving more than one woman. I also think it’s unnatural to only be with one woman sexually for the entirety of my life. There are women that I have feelings for in my real life that I absolutely should not and should not pursue, including my wife’s younger sister which I would never act on, as well as people at work which is always a disaster. Finding women online isn’t as easy as you’d like to think it is but I realized I’ll never be content being monogamous, marriage isn’t easy it’s not happy and I sacrifice a lot with very little in return and I certainly don’t feel appreciated. But besides what may or may not be wrong in my marriage; I just realized I’m not done developing feelings towards people developing that with somebody new. That sexuality is very different with different partners and I just have a hard time with the idea that I took a vow to limit that to one person for the rest of my life. It’s a can of worms that was opened by my wife being really rotten to me and I can’t close it now.