So, I’m a 48yr old married guy in Adelaide, Australia. I’m tall, clean shaven head, bit of stubble and from what I’ve been told quite good looking. Life is very comfortable, I have a beautiful wife and two great kids, a good job with plenty of money, calling my own shots and running my own show. From the outside, most people would say I’ve got it made. And hey, perhaps in many respects I really do!

But… something is genuinely missing from this whole scenario, and it has been for a number of years. Intimacy. We don’t have a genuine connection anymore and it quietly kills a piece of me every day. Simultaneously loving someone whilst watching intimacy fizzle is really hitting me hard, and while this whole space is totally new to me, I’ve decided to just bite the bullet and start reaching out to people.

My wife (LLF) just doesn’t need intimacy on any level anymore, and to be honest it’s always been initiated by me to now anyway. But she’s recently confirmed that she really doesn’t need or want touching, kissing, cuddling - and ultimately sex - anymore. She’s also confirmed that she has no real desire to change and genuinely thinks I’m a bit of a weirdo for even wanting more at our age (like, is having an active libido in your late 40’s weird?)

Anyway, everything appears to be off the table indefinitely, despite me trying to initiate discussions often. These initiations are generally swept aside as some sort of defense mechanism in order to avoid the subject - or it gets cancelled altogether.

To this date, every single encounter in this marriage has been initiated by me (HLM) and I guess I’m kind of sick of it? Don’t get me wrong. I love my life, I love my family and yes, I still Iove my wife. So I’m not leaving, but I can’t stay in this holding pattern, starved of both physical and emotional contact for eternity (footnote: for me, the two go hand in hand).

So… talk to me! I know there’s plenty of you that are either in the same situation - or have been in the same situation.

Questions:

1) is having an affair ever justified by this sort of conundrum?

2) is acceptance of a lifetime of nothingness my best option?

3) is separation my only option (note: I love her, so really not my preferred option)

4) please give me a 4th option? Please!

Over to you, world. 😔