So long story short, I have been dating a guy for 8 years. He’s always been very quiet and very passive but I have always cared about him and loved him and thought of us as equal partners. He’s never been passionate or very exciting to be with but I guess there was a little bit of comfort to that. He works out a lot as he’s a heavy lifted and often goes on business trips to other parts of the country. Some of my friends had asked if I was ever worried about him being gone so much. I said no cause he would never do that and I trusted him.

As it turns out, he was on all kinds of apps with completely different snapchats set up for at least the past 6 months dirty talking with all of these guys (he never talks dirty with me even though I’ve always been very vocally open sexually) and even went on secret dates with some of these people. Complete strangers that he met on hookup apps. He claims it was never physical but I don’t know. How am I supposed to trust that? Im trying to be compassionate because it was guys and not girls so maybe he was exploring things but he could have just said something. I would hope he knows me well enough after 8 years to know that I’d be okay with him exploring that side of himself—he should know me well enough right?

I don’t know, it’s a lot.

I just didn’t think he could lie to me or do something behind my back like that for that long and who knows, it may be longer even. I just feel completely betrayed but I don’t know how to handle it. We own a house together but I don’t know if I can be okay with the completely broken trust. He could have just talked to me. He had every opportunity. It feels so premeditated and planned out.

I just don’t how to proceed. I really hate this and there’s a lot in both our names that would be messy but I just don’t know if this is something I can look past.