I have been with my wife for 13 years, married for about 12, and some months with two kids. As a service member (army), I thought the first part (3 years) of our marriage was okay. But now I know I was putting the army first and was unattached. She never said anything to me. Then it was deployment on and off for the next six-ish years. And our communication was shit. So, on my last deployment, I told her I was unhappy. Then I got sent to Germany for 3 years, where I started trying harder than ever to make it work/ fix—and met with resentment, anger, and sadness. I had my thoughts at this time but trusted her. It's as if the harder I tried, the more she pushed me away. Then I found out she was lying about where she was and just random stuff that didn't matter. Well, I try to work past all of that and fix us. I finally got back to the States in the last 3 ish months, and it's the same story on repeat. I try, but she pushes back. Well, she just finally told me that she cheated on me and can't figure out if she wants to keep trying. I understand it's not all my fault, but I feel like I messed up so badly in the beginning that it's my fault, and I can't even fix this.