I gaze fretfully at my phone as the app updates. The perky orange logo spinning as I wait for the new version to install. After what seems like an age the splash screen appears, accompanied by a brief and tinny fanfare. “Connecting to Honey Lock…” The screen says, and then finally delivers the home page as the phone connects to my device, a momentary vibration in my pants confirming the successful connection. The sensation is surprisingly profound, the brief buzz emphasizing the apps’s total control of my manhood.

​

I look at the tabs, the familiar ‘Stats’ showing time locked, any infractions, badges, and achievements. ‘Dating’ opens a window that lets me update my profile or view and message women. ‘Release’ controls my unlock requests, and shows how many unlock codes I have remaining, along with the option to purchase more. The update has introduced a new feature - ‘blackouts’ that a pop-up informs me are periods where I am ineligible for unlock even with my codes if I have received too much negative feedback in Honey for Workplaces. It also introduces a new tab called ‘Workplaces’ which gives perky tips on how to perform better in a female led organization, and lets me track feedback from my colleagues. I glance at the ‘FAQ’ and ‘Support’ tabs, but they look unchanged.

​

I toy restlessly with the updated app, noticing the three blank sparklines on the ‘Workplace’ tab labelled ‘Respectful to women’, ‘Giving space for women’s voices’, and ‘Feminist ally’. I scroll back to ‘Dating’, idly scrolling through the feed of women’s profiles, each swipe giving a tantalizing moment of optimism as I let my mind wander hopefully.

​

“Greg?” My daydreaming is broken by Emma’s voice. “If you’re not too busy would you please meet us now in the conference room?” Petite and pretty, Emma has been my supervisor for several weeks since my old boss, Dave, was replaced as part of a diversity initiative. It actually hasn’t been as bad as I expected, Emma isn’t a bad programmer, and she has let me manage my projects pretty much as I want. She’s also much better looking than Dave - although I’m pretty sure she’s not single.

​

“Erm - sure Emma - I’ll be right there.” I say, putting my phone away and following her to the glass-walled meeting room. She stops as she reaches the door, turning to glance at me.

​

“Greg, from now on you will address me as ‘Ms Miller’, is that clear?” She pauses, staring into my eyes with an intensity that surprises me.

​

“Erm - I - yes - of course. ‘Ms Miller.’” I manage, a little taken aback by the formality of her tone, but before I can say anything else she has opened the door and stepped inside, not waiting to hold it open for me as I follow her somewhat gracelessly. A young woman who I don’t recognize is already seated at the heavy wooden table. She’s slender with long blonde hair and an elfin face, she can’t be much more than 20 years old, although her peasant blouse and long floral skirt make her look even younger.

​

“Greg have you met Charlotte? You may address her as Ms Turner - she’s one of our new interns - she’s with us over the summer until she finishes her degree in computer science.” I sit down, nodding to Charlotte, still surprised by Emma’s demeanor.

​

“No - good too meet you Charlotte - I mean - Ms Turner. I’m Greg.” I say, finding the recent formality difficult in an organization with notoriously relaxed etiquette.

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“Pleased to meet you Greg.” Charlotte squeaks, her voice higher pitch than I had imagined.

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“Thank you Greg.” Emma continues. “The new policy about titles is designed to ensure that women are afforded the respect in the workplace that they are due. Something which I am sure you will agree hasn’t always been the case.”

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“Well -” I begin, not sure how to react to that statement, but Emma cuts me off immediately.

​

“Thank you Greg. When your opinion is needed you can be sure I will ask for it.” I nod, shocked. “Now, Charlotte will be taking over the Stedman project. I’ll need you to help her get up to speed for the presentation next week to the Senior Leadership Team.”

​

“What?” I blurt out involuntarily. “That’s one of our biggest and most complex projects. I’ve been managing it for 18 months and next week is the final QC meeting before delivery! There’s no way we can hand it over to -”

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“To ‘what’ - Greg?” Emma asks pointedly. “To a woman? I must say I’m disappointed, if not surprised Greg.”

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“No - no that’s not what I was going to say -”

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“Don’t contradict me Greg. I know that you feel that you can get away with anything around here because of your tenure and the ‘old boys club’, but I can assure you that things are changing.” Turning to Charlotte, Emma softens her tone. “I’m sorry that you have to experience this in your first week Charlotte, but it will give me a chance to demonstrate the new Honey for Workplaces program we’re rolling out - here - watch.”

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Pulling out her phone, she repositions herself so that she and the intern can both see her screen. “Here - you navigate to ‘deliver feedback’ - select the employee from the list. Greg was actually one of the first men to enroll in the program - there - now - you can see his profile here - ah there we go. I though as much - it looks like he was released last night. It’s my experience that release only makes men grumpy, cantankerous, and difficult to work with.” Charlotte looks up at me with a smug grin as Emma continues.

​

“No!” I blurt out - horrified that all of the women in my office have access to this information. "No you don’t understand - I mean - my belt was off for a while last night but I didn’t get any release - I mean I was -” I tail off as Emma looks at me sternly.

​

“Greg. When your opinion is needed it will be asked for. But in the meantime bringing up your sex life in a work meeting is inappropriate and borderline harassment. Now Charlotte, you see the buttons there? I’m going to give Greg negative scores on ‘respectful’, ‘giving space’, and on ‘feminist ally’ for that outburst. If you want to later you can go in and give your own feedback, but three negative marks in a day will give him a 24 hour blackout.” Charlotte nods, a slight wrinkling of her brow that would be endearing in another situation, and my stomach sinks as I feel a brief buzz from my strict device, and hear a notification ‘ping’ from my phone.

​

Charlotte stares at me in curious amusement as Emma turns back to me. “Greg. I expect better from you. I need Charlotte to be up to speed on the Stedman Project by Monday, or I’m holding you accountable. I also expect your demeanor and behavior to her to be impeccable, am I clear?” For a moment I’m speechless, unable to comprehend the power she has over me, and the injustice of my punishment. I consider appealing, trying to tell her that Sophie had promised me my first release in two months tonight, and pleading with her to reconsider, but I think better of it.

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“Yes. Yes Ms Miller. Of course.” I say. Stunned, I watch her get up and leave, her short rapid steps taking her to the door.

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She turns back to Charlotte as she opens the door. “Don’t be afraid to use the app to score his performance. He’s still getting used to the changes around here and its important he gets a consistent message.” And then she’s gone, leaving me alone with our new intern, and my new boss.