This will be a long one, so just bare with me.

Background:

So me (30m) and my ex-wife (33f) were married in 2018 and have been divorced since December of 2022 . I am active duty military and she is prior military. We met in not the most conventional of ways but to make a long story short: we met, got physical and serious fairly quick and she got pregnant with our first child. At the time I was terrified of becoming a father, however after our daughter was born and me seeing that precious child’s face I did the right thing and we got married. It was great and everything seemed to be going smoothly until she got pregnant again with our second child. Being in the military I have deployed a lot and while she was pregnant I was deployed for 6 months. Something snapped in her and she became very emotionally abusive towards me. After I returned from deployment our second daughter was born and she then got physically abusive towards me.

Now I know what you’re thinking and because I am in the military I should be able to defend myself and fight back but she would tell me if I ever did fight back she would ruin me by telling everyone that I was an abuser and that no one would believe me because I’m a man and everyone takes the word of a woman. I didn’t want to leave because of my kids and I didn’t want to go to court and have to deal with a grueling custody battle so I felt stuck. It got to the point where I needed an escape. I’m not excusing what I did or justify it but I did certain things I’m not proud of, with other women in order to feel some sort of connection physical and emotionally. I did end up leaving after she assaulted me in-front of my kids and I fought back. The police and my chain-of-command was involved because she was telling everyone that would listen that I had been physically abusing her for years. It went to court and her lies all came to light and I was granted 50/50 custody.

Main Point of this post:

After a year and a half of being divorced we maintain a cordial relationship and co-parent very well with our daughters. She tells me she’s going on a date and asked me would I take the girls for the night. I agreed. Curiosity got the better of me and I asked who was the guy and how did they meet?? She told me his name and I immediately felt my heart stop. She tells me that he is an officer in the military and then shows me a picture of him… my thoughts were confirmed because the guy that she was to go on a date with is my direct Commanding Officer at my unit.

Here is where I might be the AH. Because of him being my Commanding officer and her being my ex-wife I felt incredibly uncomfortable and awkward knowing this and felt that I had to tell him that was was my ex-wife. I went to him and told him that it is incredibly awkward and that I am requesting a transfer to another unit. He looked as white as a ghost and told me that he didn’t want me to transfer and decided that he would stop seeing her as it was inappropriate on his behalf to date one of his subordinates ex-wife. Within an hour I had gotten at least 50 nasty texts and just as many calls from her saying how much of a horrible person I was, that I was in the wrong, that I ruined her life and that she is no one’s property. He received just about the same as well. I felt bad but at the same time relieved.

What do you think? AITA in this situation?