Background: I roleplay with a circle of friends in an MMORPG, and my character is one of the few healers in this ring of adventurers. This ring of allies is a ring full of seasoned fighters, mages, etc. and whenever my character comes along, his assistance is welcome as these adventurers tend to be...ahem, reckless.

Well...my character, believes the contrary. He always feels like he didn't do enough in battle, even if his allies come back alive. He feels like the tagalong babe next to those allies, despite having his share of experiences in battle, ranging from rescuing his mate from an insane commander, to saving a guy's life from near-death. Compared to say...

• The mysterious woman who seems to know just about everything but is emotionally fatigued.

• A heroic guy masterful of the lance with a heroic personality to match.

• The love of his life who is a sharp sniper with a gun and is effectively a defect from the empire.

When my character himself is one of the finest healers, held back by his weak self-esteem. As he stands with it right now, he still has issues, but it's not cripplingly bad. He can't see the good he's done for others, and focuses on how much he could have done. Previously, when things would go awry, he would shut down in the middle of the battle until someone nudged him back up (to varying levels of force), because it was supposedly his fault things went south when 90% of the time it was out of his control. He has the power to save people through magic, so when it happens, he immediately tells himself "Why can't I do that right?"

I wanna write a character arc where he breaks out from his mental chains so he can achieve his dream of becoming a powerful mage. But whenever I want to make him push out of that, I either hit a writer's block on how to make him take that step, or very recently as I write this, be absolute dead weight by external forces which brings him back down from his high, and is touched by the corruption by said forces. He takes scathing critique poorly, believing it as something that's not going to change.

If it helps, he used to have a sort of "security blanket phrase" that would help build up courage, but he's all but forgotten it (due to my forgetfulness at that). Sorry if my details are kinda spotty, I wanted to keep things brief.

EDIT: Here's a brief version of his backstory, with some key events that helped him get to where he is.

My character is born into a modest family of hunters (Two older sisters, a mother, and a missing father), but he's the outlier of his family that found his talent in healing. Though his mother eventually supported his choice to pursue magic, one of his sisters would always talk down on him, constantly berating him for 'betraying tradition' and telling him he'll never amount to anything for it. His pursuits will not bear fruit and he'll come back with his tail between his legs for not learning how to fight with a bow or a spear. My character took the verbal abuse poorly and essentially left his family by his mother's suggestion, thinking his choices were wrong, but pursued it anyway in a desperate attempt to give himself some value. He even turned to crossdressing for comfort, as he can't stand looking at "his weak self" thinking an image change would make him feel better. When he met the love of his life, she treated him like he had a place in this world, and the two eventually became a couple after he realized how much emptier his life would be if she would return to the empire she was conscripted in. Empire Defect would eventually draw the attention of a commander's soldiers, leading to a whirlwind of events that would gain my character the ire of commander from trying to "take her toy away", nearly getting killed by the commander trying to rescue her. Cowardice and anxiousness takes hold of him, but saving his love and family is enough drive to stay his fears at least.