The essentials: I called off an engagement after some serious red flags and discoveries in 2020. Since then I’ve had to

• move too many times to count,
• take a different job where travel is actually part of the deal so I’m never in one place for long,
• change my phone number and email (have you ever tried redoing an entire google account??)
  
• and basically erase or veil my entire online presence just for this man to not actively harass me in person, but he still finds me every 6 months or so.
  

I still get phone calls, my family gets messages, anyone I try to date ends up having to deal with it.

I’ve gone to the police and the law, there is nothing I can do until his hands are on me physically unless I take him to civil court and sue for damages but the obligation of proof is on me for his intent of malice. I know I’m not winning that case in all realistic logic.

I’ve found a place that feels safe, met a good person and have a real shot at having a good life with a fresh start. He’s found me again, it’s starting all over again and I don’t want to leave this time, I don’t want to have to battle the fear and the panic and tbh, the hatred that comes with the whole process. I can’t forget the offenses- it’s a safety issue and I have no problem wishing this mentally ill man a peaceful life albeit apart from mine. I have a lot of trouble forgiving him every time he tries to ruin my life. I know forgiveness is something I need to do for my own peace but I cannot summon the energy and the sincerity to do it when he a) has no remorse b) will do it again and again c) takes delight in plunging me into a pit of fear and depression and hopelessness.

How do I forgive this repeat offender for my own sake?

Edit: I’ve tried for a restraining order/protective order, but it only applies on a state or even county level, so he can still call/online harass without consequence.