My cat passed three days ago about two weeks before her 17th birthday. I had her since she was a kitten and I was 21: my entire adult life post-college. We went through so much. She was sick (kidney failure) at the end and thought I was ready and would be relieved. She had started to not use her litter box, then I was diapering her, and we were giving her subcutaneous fluids via IV each night. Her last two days she could not even stand or walk and I desperately tried to spoon feed her.

She passed away Monday night (it’s Thursday morning) and I am just so sad and guilty I did not do more. I feel no relief from no longer being a feline hospice nurse or seeing her so sick: I just want her back. I am so wracked with regret and guilt because since I thought I was “ready” I feel I didn’t spend enough time or give enough in her final days.

I’m a grown woman with a job and family crying for my cat on the kitchen floor.