I knew this day was coming, and I don’t feel guilty about it but I’m still heartbroken — when I adopted Nara (catnapped him from the streets as a stray lol) the vet was clear that he had a tumor in his abdomen and he wouldn’t have long to live. I took him anyways and gave him a variety of food that he never had, gave him love affection and shelter, and would read outloud to him when he wanted to hang out on the floor together. He was my baby and any time he felt uncomfortable around a stranger (omg he was such an anxious baby) I made sure he had a spot to hide or run away to.

The tumor was either pressing on his organs or was tearing. Nara started to deteriorate three days ago, and I think he knew his time was up too. I don’t feel guilty about putting him down, and even the vet said it was best to do it now than wait for him to get worse. But I feel guilty about having to take him out of his house-bed and putting him in the carrier. I cried for like 10 minutes when I realized that was gonna be the last time he would be in bed and in my room.

I told him how much I loved him before he was sedated. I wish I was holding him when they did but I wanted him to see my face and not the scary vet’s office when he passed.

The worst part was coming back home with an empty carrier and a quiet room. This wasn’t the first time I lost a pet, our childhood dog passed two years ago in my living room, also euthanized. I knew that and when I took Nara in I told myself the pain would be worth it, and it is. I would’ve done this all over again if I had the chance. I’ll miss when he rubbed against my legs while I made him his cat soup, or how he mreowed loudly in response when I meowed at him, and how brave he was when he followed me from my room to the kitchen for the first time. I still have a scar from his first time biting me out of fear and I dread the day it heals/disappears. I curse and thank Nara’s original owner that left him in the streets. My room is so quiet now. He passed at 12:40pm on August 29th.

Thanks to those who helped me out on this Reddit when I had a question about cat care, Nara was my first cat and he got to try interesting different foods with y’all’s help :’3