I recently opened my time capsule from high school. Nakalagay siya sa isang maliit na carton box na kulay red. May ribbon pa. Medyo luma na yung itsura at maalikabok. Tinago ko lang kasi sa isang sulok ng cabinet, tapos napabayaan na rin.

Binuksan ko, and guess what? May folded paper sa loob. Malinis pa, surprisingly neat. Nakalagay sa harap, in blue ballpen: "Open in 10 years." Ang confident ko naman mag-plan noon for a whole decade, eh hindi ko nga alam kung ano ulam ko bukas. Pero here we are.

So I unfolded it. Honestly, nalimutan ko na yung laman. Tapos ayun, biglang bumungad sakin: "My goals in 10 years." Ang pangit ng sulat, medyo amoy lumang libro na rin, pero each word hit fresh:

1. Married by 30, at least.
2. Become an engineer sa top company.
3. Buy my own house, sports car on the side.
4. Travel the world: Europe, Japan, New Zealand.
5. Propose kay Camille.

Ah, Camille. Not her real name, pero teka, let’s talk about her later.

--

"Married by 30?"

Ako? Married? Single pa rin! Kung may asawa ako ngayon, baka naghahanda na ako ng panggatas ni baby. Pero here I am, writing this sa condo ko, surrounded by unopened books na nabili ko sa Fully Booked. Kelan ko kaya 'to mababasa? Who knows.

Am I sad? Hindi naman. I’m content. I’m happy. Different kind of happy nga lang siguro.

"Engineer sa top company."

Yup, board passer ako. Pero a few years into the industry, narealize ko—hindi ko pala gusto. Ang dami naming design projects noon, pero never ko na-enjoy. Not once.

Ngayon? I run a carwash. Medyo dirty business, pero hindi ko ‘to minamaliit. Actually, lucrative siya. Plus, I enjoy the freedom. I like this lifestyle. Hindi pang-luho. Hindi ko rin natupad yung "sports car" dream, pero okay na ako sa Honda ko na maayos pa naman.

"Travel the world."

At least dito, may progress. Nabisita ko na ang Japan at ilang Asian countries. Pero Europe? New Zealand? Wait lang kayo, guys. Nasa bucket list pa rin kayo. Ipon lang.

--

Camille.

Ah, eto na. Si Camille. Alam mo ‘yung “the one that got away”? Siya ‘yun, for me. Cheesy, pero totoo.

College hanggang early days of our career, ang ganda ng chemistry namin. She was everything: smart, driven, sobrang bait. Yung ngiti niya? Parang may sariling spotlight. Ang lakas maka-happy. It had this way of making me feel na kahit sablay ang mundo, everything would be okay as long as she was there.

Iba rin siya in the sense na she knew exactly what she wanted in life. May plano siya, may timeline. Ako? Ambisyoso sa papel, pero sabog sa execution.

So, life happened. Diba ganun naman? Akala mo forever na, pero ang hirap i-sync ng goals niyo. Naging busy ako sa sarili kong ganap, siya naman nagtuloy-tuloy. Nauna siyang ma-promote kaysa sakin. Ako? Nag-resign. Walang trabaho, living off my savings.

She was moving forward. I was stuck.

Dito nagsimula ang mga discussions namin na eventually naging heated arguments. I didn’t blame her. Ako rin naman, hindi ko ma-imagine ang future ko noon. Hindi ko pa alam anong gagawin ko.

She wanted a future where we could both build something stable together—careers, a home, a family. Ako? I didn’t even know where I was heading. She was making things happen, and I was… figuring things out. The longer I was in this state, the more worried she became.

Worried ha. Not angry.

Hindi siya galit. Camille wasn’t like that. Instead, she was worried. Sobrang worried. Na ako, walang direksyon.

I remember this one conversation na hindi ko makalimutan. Nakaupo kami sa isang bench sa Sunken Gardens, watching people walk by. Tahimik lang siya, so I asked:

"Anong iniisip mo?"

And she said, "So, anong plano mo?"

That question broke me. Kasi hindi ko masagot. Hindi dahil wala akong pakialam, but because I honestly didn’t know. Ang hirap sagutin ng tanong na 'yun kung ang utak mo mismo hindi sigurado. She wasn’t asking to pressure me; she just wanted to understand.

Alam mo yung mahirap sa relasyon? Pag hindi mo na kayang magbigay ng sense of security sa isa’t isa. She needed assurance. Ako? Wala akong maibigay.

Eventually, we decided it was best to part ways. Hindi siya dramatic, walang sigawan. It was quiet. A sad, mutual understanding. Alam naming mahal namin ang isa’t isa, pero minsan, love isn’t enough when your goals don’t align.

I broke up with her kasi naaawa ako sakanya. Sabi ko, gusto kong ayusin ang sarili ko, pero baka kailangan ko munang gawin 'to mag-isa. Ang kapal ng mukha ko.

That was it. Our last moment together.

--

She moved on, so did I (kind of)...

Ngayon, she's married. May anak na lalaki. Ang saya nila sa mga posts niya. Ang cute ng baby nila, tapos mukhang sobrang maalaga yung asawa niya. I can tell she’s genuinely happy. And honestly? Masaya rin ako para sa kanya.

Minsan, naiisip ko pa rin, what if hindi ako natakot? Paano kaya kung...

Nevermind.

Wala na yun.

Hanggang doon na lang.

Mahirap mag-stay sa "what ifs." It doesn't change anything. Ang kaya ko na lang gawin is magpasalamat. Thank you, Camille, for the memories. Thank you for the lessons.

--

Half lang ng goals ko ang natupad. Pero alam mo, okay na rin. Siguro hindi lahat ng plans nasusunod, pero what matters is we make the most of what we have.

Sure, hindi ako yung “ideal” self na na-imagine ko 10 years ago. Pero ako pa rin ‘to. Still surviving, still figuring things out.

By the way, may 2025 planner ako dito, salamat sa ilang venti drinks sa Starbucks. Maybe it’s time to make a new list.

What’s next?

Abangan na lang natin ulit sa next 10 years.