...not even me.

This was back in high school, siguro mga 11 years ago na. We had this girl in class na siguro hindi pasok sa typical na beauty standard na hinahanap ng iba. Gusto nila maputi, makinis, matangos ang ilong, straight ang buhok—yung parang pang-commercial. Eh siya? Hindi ganun. She had darker skin, her hair was a bit unruly, at hindi siya payat.

She had a great smile by the way. Yung tipong genuine, na parang kaya niyang dalhin yung buong araw mo. I wish we could’ve seen that more often. Pero hindi namin napansin yun noon. Kasi araw-araw, as in araw-araw, may nang-aasar sa kanya.

Yung mga girls, they’d make these bad jokes about her. Alam mo yung tipong parang harmless lang sa umpisa then eventually magiging sobrang below the belt na? Sometimes, they’d take her stuff—like yung suklay niya. They’d play with it, throw it around.

One time after P.E., yung black shoes niya na iniwan niya sa classroom, kinuha ng isa tapos tinago sa locker. So pagbalik niya, nagkakandarapa siya kakahanap. She was so stressed, and they'd just laugh habang pinapanood siyang paikot-ikot sa klase. Ang bigat panoorin, pero wala. Walang tumulong. Ako, tahimik lang din.

Yung mga lalaki naman, iba rin yung trip nila. Sometimes, they'd push one of their friends near her. Pero pag nadikit ka saknya, they'd act like it was the most disgusting thing ever. Yung parang nadikitan sila ng may sakit or something. Ang OA, pero sobrang nakakahiya para sa kanya. Sobrang degrading. Pero guess what? Wala akong ginawa. I just stood there. Pinanood ko lang din.

Hindi ko man lang siya nakitang umiyak. Ang tapang niya, ‘no? Pero ramdam mo yung bigat na dinadala niya. She just took everything. Lahat ng pang-aasar. Lahat ng pranks. Meron naman siyang mga friends, pero they couldn't fight for her. Maybe they were scared too, I don't know. Naririnig ko minsan nagagalit sila sa mga bullies when they're alone, pero hanggang dun lang. Walang nagawa. Walang justice.

After a year, umalis siya sa school. Wala siyang paalam, basta na lang siya nawala. Tapos yung mga nang-bully sa kanya? Grabe, parang walang nangyari. Ang gaganda ng buhay nila ngayon. I see them on Facebook, traveling, starting businesses, happy with their families. Pero siya? I have no idea. Wala akong mahanap tungkol sa kanya. I tried searching for her on Facebook, Instagram, or even TikTok, pero wala. It's like she just disappeared. Walang digital footprint.

Hanggang ngayon, iniisip ko pa rin siya. Okay kaya siya? Nahanap kaya niya yung happiness na deserve niya?

And sometimes, hindi ko mapigilang mag-isip… what if? What if we stood up for her? Do you think things would’ve been different? Maybe she would’ve stayed in school with us. Maybe she would’ve made new friends. Baka natapos niya yung high school kasama kami. Siguro ngayon, kasama namin siya sa mga tropa hangouts namin. Baka siya yung palaging nagpapatawa during late-night tambays, or maybe kasama siya nung last trip namin sa Cebu, diving with the sardines. Baka she’s still in our lives now, someone we’d call a friend.

But we didn’t. None of us did. And now, we’ll never know.

And honestly, this is one of my biggest regrets in life. Kasi alam ko na I could’ve done something. Pero hindi ko ginawa. At hindi ko alam kung mapapatawad ko ang sarili ko para dun.

I chose to stay silent. No. We all did.