I used to have hope. I was an enthusiastic young adult, eager to learn, eager to win. I used to pray when Im lost. I cry hard when im hurting or confused, and then I make a warm meal, take a bath, fix my face, and chant that I am okay.

I used to take care of myself. I know that I am made for something big. That I endure all those hardships to be great. I am happy, hopeful, and ignorant. I wasnt aware how close I am from shattering into thousands of shiny broken glasses.

It's been a long time. I though I was made for something big. I've been carving my life, digging on the same place patiently. I was expecting for a big ass diamond hehe. Yknow patience is a virtue.

Look at me now. Look where I end up, what I have become.

I cry on cold floor, tie my hair so tight it gave me headaches. I dont eat when im hungry but I eat even when im full already. I sleep for long hours then stop sleeping for days. I cut my skin, let it bleed, watch my wounds until it become infected.

Im breathing and decaying physically.

I dont guard my tongue, push people away, cut them when I feel like they are about to leave.