For what it's worth... I appreciate it. I know I need people to talk me down from this and tell me it's stupid. At no point do I want to be comfortable taking a drag or buying a pack...

Pot isn't something I'd hate doing, but I can't get my hands on any. Not reliably, at least. I'm... Honestly really wary of the addictive properties of tobacco, but at the same time, they've managed to reduce my thoughts of self harm significantly, so for now, I feel like it's something I have to risk

There's a fair possibility I am... But, alcohol and I had a bit of a falling out (I could get drunk, but I didn't feel any less depressed anymore), and I can't really find anything else that makes me feel less... Bad. Not that I can get my hands on right now.

I tried to try it once or twice... Never had the ability to take a drag without coughing like a bitch. Took me a while with the tobacco, even...

I've started College three different times (in three different states), and each time, the school has completely shut down before I've managed to complete a degree, so I have an immense amount of Student Loan debt. (I have a ton of medical debt, too, but at least that will clear in a bankruptcy)... Even if College were absolutely free at this point, though, I have to work two jobs to get by, so I literally don't have the time to afford free school. Hell, I can't even afford new glasses or shoes at this point, despite needing both... Much less car insurance... So every time I go out driving, it's stressful. Even if the car I drove were in good shape, it'd be stressful... But it's not.

My wife is on the other side of the country to spend time with her boyfriend. This was supposed to be a healthy polyamorous relationship, but... It has turned into a very unhealthy one. And now I'm afraid that unhealthy polyamory is simply my future, which means that I may never have a chance again to feel happy. I can be content, just never happy.

That's the short short version. I don't see an end in sight for any of it. I'm sure it will end, eventually -- something's gotta give, after all -- but I don't know if it'll be a good end, or a bad one.