Carolyn Hax: Her husband isolated her. Post-split, will friends welcome her back?
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Nick's cartoon: purple-haired woman against a red background has a old-fashioned gaslight lamppost in her head.

LW: I was blindsided when my husband walked out and moved in with his girlfriend. We're getting divorced. He had asked me to cut off all communication with almost all friends from school in the early stages of our relationship. Didn't even set up Facebook. So, I want to be back in touch, I'm lonely, but as I cut them off-- right? If I explain I fear I will sound like a bitter divorcee. Any ideas?

Hax: My condolences--- wait, maybe I should say I'm so relieved and happy for you because it sounds like you've experienced years of damaging emotional manipulation and you may find this departure a blessing in the long run.Let me see, which way to go? Therapy should be this way so you can sort out truth from gaslighting, and telling the truth to your closest and most open-minded ex-friends should be that way.Hang on, I see that internalized sexism is pointing down towards yourself. You want to change where that sign points. See, "fear of sounding like a bitter to-be-divorced woman" is sexist self-stereotyping you don't need. You are a person with feelings and emotions and rights to express them, okay?

Now, even if you pick the best and most likely ex-friends to welcome back and spill the truth like this: " “I am so sorry I cut off contact. I was in an abusive relationship and I am only beginning to understand how isolated I became.”" yes you were--- there's no guarantee you will be welcomed back, but it beats not trying, and you may well be surprised, too. You also need to schedule things to reach out to new people and sense of purpose, and use your alone time to rebuild emotionally.

Reader 1: If a friend cut off contact and then described a situation like yours, I can't imagine I wouldn't welcome them back. True friends will want to understand and help you.

Reader 2: Odds are your friends already knew you were in a bad relationship and knew they couldn't do anything until you were ready to. Yes, they might be hurt still, but this could be mixed with joy at being back in touch with you. I've disappeared on friends and they were always happy to be back in contact. Good luck!

Reader 3: It can be daunting to find therapy to fit your needs. Try nonprofit groups that deal with domestic abuse, and also visit thehotline.org .