Hax's 8-22-21 Column

Sorry for the snafu: trying to figure out how Ally did the thumbnail in the title.

LW: Our tween has a no-touch zone head to toe. Grandma is 100% in hug-kiss zone.

They say she shows affection in different ways, such as texts or semaphore, I suppose. What do tweens do these days?

Alas, Grandma "I changed your diapers and cuddled you! I held your hand in first grade!" doesn't understand that her granddaughter now identifies as a proud cactus, and wants to schmoosh in on her ex-cuddlebug, and so she keeps nagging granddaughter to do some human contact with her.

Granddaughter doesn't want to see or visit her because she's sick of being nagged nonstop. Parents are wondering if they should let tween opt-out from visiting grandma to make it clear that pressure is no way to persuade affection.

Hax: Oh yeah, let her remove herself, please. She's got a right not to be touched and to lay down boundaries. Tell grandma her wishes don't override her granddaughter's discomfort zone.

Haikucle: Man, I had a grandma who would grab and virtually shake me in a hug every time. I could feel my teeth rattle. I was simply as enthusiastic about it as this tween sounds. Would have loved my parents suggesting not hug me like a bear checking a pinata.

Oh well, I lived, but I can say lessons on reinforcing bodily autonomy short of self-defense and mad dodging would have been better.

Grandma will live, and I suggest parents hug grandma instead since Grandma does need physical contact in her life. We all need touch, that's why pets are good. But grandkids are not pets.

LW: Pregnant and dependent on Public Transport-- and Nobody's Masking Up Despite the Rules. "Can I do something other than fume as I gestate? I can't drive to work and I try to distance myself from the maskless and try to get the first car in case it's less populated. But, gosh, it's annoying even the transit employees aren't enforcing the rules."

Hax: Personal responsibility is good, but you can't solve this problem. Time to bring the problem home to these whose job it is to fix it. Time to bring out your civil kung-fu skills and complain to everybody on the city/public transit organizational chart. In sort, get in public transit administration's face, managers, etc. If you got the guts to do social media, do it. Video people. Shame them. These employees need telling off by pregnant women every time they slip the masks off, too.

Haikucle: Gee, I really didn't expect Hax to say she should do Die Hard: Preggo and Aggro, or the endless sequels: Die Hard: Mommies Pommel, Die Harder: Third Trimester and so forth. Mind you, if she has to write in for advice on what to do about a life endangering situation created by publicly funded and accountable services not enforcing their own policies, then a hard crash lesson in civics is warranted.

She stopped short of suggesting masked sit-in protests or getting fellow masked riders to do firewalls at the subway entrances to only let masked people enter... which also surprises me. Maybe verbal bad press will be enough.

BUt honestly, I'd also contact an expert because this is a life-endangering situation-- that is, a civil rights lawyer, and also call the public health department for city, state, (and if DC, definitely CDC too.)

But maybe some scolding will do instead. Good practice for being a mama bear.

Discuss forth, gripe, talk recipes and whatever. (And yes, I remember that cover of Bruce Willis pregnant from a long time ago and I'd probably watch these Die Hard movies, but I think the casting also could be updated.)

​