Nick's cartoon: Two bridesmaids in black and light-colored bows gossip together: "If we can't be judgy at weddings, what's left?"

I'm short on links so I hope somebody has one.

My brother, “Tim,” got married for the third time last month. When he and “Abby” were discussing their wedding, I advised them to do what my husband and I did: Go to the courthouse and then throw a party to celebrate. My husband even joked that he’d already been Tim’s best man twice and that was enough. And even though Abby was a first-time bride, she’s 45 and past the pretty-pretty-princess stage.

Later they announced that Abby’s uncle, who’s a judge, would be marrying them when they visited Abby’s family, and Abby’s sister was throwing a small party for them. Our family could celebrate at Thanksgiving. That sounded like a great plan.

This week, we saw pictures of the wedding and it was a much bigger deal than Tim had let on. There were at least 30 or 40 guests, all from Abby’s side, I guess; Abby wore a wedding dress; there was a big cake and dozens of roses; yet no one from our side of the family was invited.

I’m really hurt we were excluded, I guess as punishment for speaking our minds. Tim and Abby could have admitted they wanted to do the wedding their way instead of sneaking around behind our backs. Can I ask Tim why he hid their wedding from us, or do I just need to let this go?

— Anonymous

Anonymous: You weren’t “speaking our minds.” You were, by your own description, talking more than you listened, ridiculing your brother in front of his fiancée, diminishing her by extension, and making judgy, sexist and ageist assumptions about what constitutes an appropriate amount of wedding fuss for a middle-aged bride — and all this when the number and type of weddings either of them has is neither your business nor of significant consequence to you.

I’m not sure if the smugness was worse or the buzzkill, but the proportions of both might make the cut for “epic.”

So, no, you do not ask Tim to spell out what you already know.

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(And Hax carries on in fine form.)

Second letter is about calendar drama. I know! Somehow families can find ways to create Strum und Drang from the least things.

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Dear Carolyn: I started a gift tradition that now causes everyone stress, and I don’t know what to do. When my kids were little and the only grandchildren, I started making a calendar for my mother-in-law. As the extended family grew, I would ask for pics to include all the grandchildren. “C” and her husband would require multiple reminders, and finally submit pictures late or in the wrong format to make more work for me.

Finally, I had had enough and asked “E” to take it on. He is only willing to engage so far with what we all see as crazy behavior by C. One year, I asked her to just send the damn pictures to him. She blew up at me and said just do the calendar without her family.

E is now asking for someone else to take a turn with the calendar “because I need a break.” If the calendar doesn’t get done, then my mother-in-law is sad that we “can’t all get along.”

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Hax channels Judge Judy and rules to stop the calendar thing already or stop asking each parent for photos, whatever works, (such as using vacation snaps instead)-- as long as it stops the drama.

"But I digress — once you have the raw material (of behaving with decency), shape it into this: “I know it’s not perfect for everyone, but I did what I thought was best.” No guilt for acts of good faith.