I'm 70 and care giving for my wife. In a way, this has been ongoing for most of 10 years, but it honestly has been off and on, gradually escalating during that period, with at least 5 events that come up and gradually resolve - at least for a period. Broken bones, temporary dis-orientation, etc, etc.

So, my story is that we moved into a forever-house, friendly for wheel chairs, care giving, and great safety. Yet, when she is hospitalized, we try to get her home as soon as possible for home care. She starts out as a compliant patient, but very soon, she advances to setting her own rules regarding medications, load limits, movement constraints, diet, you name it! It frustrates me as the care giver, because I can't tell if she has already dosed with medicine, etc. Or, if I take a much needed nap, she might change rooms and be doing something dangerous, because she 'knows how to do this'.

So, why am I lonely? because even before the accidents began, she decided she was done with sex, forever. That, of course means I am done with sex. Forever.

But it is not just sex, it is intimacy. I do not disagree with her that PIV sex is a problem, but there are many other things folks can do for sex, things she is capable of, btu chooses not to want. So, these are off the table, and off my table as well. General intimacy is NIL and will remain so as long as she so desires. I know this is TMI, but I do masturbate, and in fact, multiple times a day, but she even seems to 'keep an eye on me' to limit my own alone-time, this feels horrible.

I am not saying I wouldn't cheat, and I don't want to physically cheat, but I am SO tempted to find an online friend (remember that I am 70, so someone between 60 and 85) who I can be email pals with, online pals with. I am so sure it would be no-touch, as we would not meet. But now I feel guilty. I haven't DONE anything, but I am now lonely and frustrated, as well as carrying guilt.

So, what do I seek, I wonder what we find my peers doing to cope, I wish there was actually a socially acceptable place to find support for folks in my position, and, I wish there was more discussion and information about the personal needs of care givers - that is part of 'support'.

Well, I have ranted and raved about all this, and I look forward to advice and comments from you all, not only the oldsters, but all of us.

:)