This a venting post . Trigger Warning

My dad died on Sunday, after more than 10 years having one of the worst hypothiroidism cases ever, he died. His last 3 weeks were awful for him, his main symptom was that he was always cold (you can check my post history, I asked and talked about this multiple times in different subs) he wore a tshirt, a sweatshirt, another sweatshirt a puffy jacket and a jacket everyday. Every single day. In my city, we are at 26c lately. Still, dad was cold. He had heaters everywhere, in the bathroom, the room, the kitchen. He had heating pads, blankets, gloves. and Still dad was cold.

On Saturday night he was fine, we had dinner, he kissed me goodnight.

On Sunday he woke up feeling bad, by 2pm I was on an ambulance with him, by 9pm he was gone.

Today my mother (who i take care of too)and I woke up in a house without him. His ashes are here, his picture is here, but he is gone. And the cold is gone.

You might wonder why I insist so much on this, is cause ..The windows were rarely open, the rain season was something stressful for me, winter was stressful for me..cause I knew he was cold .

Suddenly, the windows are open, the rain doesn't matter, there's no heat on,, there's no multiple blankets in the house..there's no cold in the house anymore. And even when I know, he's not cold anymore and he wasn't when he died (he passed away with really high fever) I want to feel the cold again.

Today when I opened my laptop my last tab open was "heating insoles" and "subway surfers" cause he loved to watch streamings of that game.But also today I suddenly realized I can enjoy the rain again, and it makes me feel guilty.

What do I do know..what happens when the person you dedicated your life to..is gone?

I know I have my mom, I know I have to be here for her...but what happens with the blankets, with the gloves I gave him for christmas? with the new heater I gave him 3 days ago? with his damm red shirt that he kept insisting he wanted but never had the chance to wear?

There's no cold in the house anymore...