The hyper vigilance, the insomnia, the constant panic attacks, migraine auras, the internal trembling, brain fog……

My mom has a new pressure sore. It’s like every few months she pops up with something else. I can hear her moaning in her recliner as I type this.

Wound care is never ending with us. My mom has had so many ulcers and sores in the past 7 years.

Me and her wound care dr were successful in healing all of them though. She has a visiting nurse this time and I’m on medication and yet I’m still spiraling.

I have some help so why am I still spiraling?!?!!!! I didn’t cry for a full month and then I broke down after changing her bandage. My hands were shaking and I broke out into a cold sweat. I couldn’t hold back the tears.

It feels like my head is in a vice and I can’t breath. I hate seeing her in a fucking wheelchair. It’s been 14 years and it never gets easier.

I genuinely feel like I’m gonna end up institutionalized when she’s gone. I’m losing my ability to function.

I can’t leave her in a home. I can’t do it. They will neglect her like my grams. I can’t do that to her!!!