Last October 24th I was on my way to work after an amazing birthday weekend, all refreshed and ready. Except one thing....something felt off. Something told me I should stay home that night. I ignored it as normal feelings after a great long weekend and headed out.

Maybe ten minutes later there it was. All I saw were headlights, and no wider than those of a normal car. I'll pass this and everything is fine. It wasn't fine, and it wasn't a car at all. It was a tractor, and a huge one at that. Just sitting there on this 2 lane highway at 10:30 PM with no where close to enough lighting.

I never slowed down. I truly thought it was a car and I didn't see until the very last moment what it was. I swerved, trying to put my van in the ditch at the last second. Luckily, that avoided the head on collision at 60 mph. I instead hit the tire(s)....hard enough I knocked all 3 right off the axle. I then jumped the ditched and rolled side over side. I'm not sure how many times. It all happened so fast. Somehow I was able to get the door open and climb out. Neighbors from all over came to check saying they heard it. All were shocked no one had been killed. They eventually got me to sit down, which is when I both realized how much I was bleeding, and I blacked out.

Luckily, I came through with scratches, the bruise on my collarbone from the seat belt, and a broken knee cap. 3 months of pain and limited mobility followed, but all things considered I was ok. I got lucky. They found my battery in the field the next morning, and there was a dent in the ceiling right above where my head was. I'm thinking if I hadn't swerved, the sudden stop from that speed in a full head on collision would have killed me.

One year later, I'm in therapy and on anti depressants. In some ways, I'm better than I've ever been. But then the flashbacks hit. The PTSD is hell! And of course, weeks like this with all the reminders make me want to just lay in bed in a dark room and isolate.

To all dealing with the fresh wounds, you'll get through it! Things will get better and you'll be a better person for it. But PLEASE don't ignore your feelings and seek help when needed. The PTSD is real and it's long lasting.