Hello everyone.

I want to share my story and maybe you can give me some advice on how to not have a mentally break down.

So to my story, i will try to make it short, but for sure won't work.

I'm 29 and my wife 30. She was diagnosed on January 1. 2018 with medulloblastoma, wich is a stage 4 brain tumor. Luckily we live in Austria, Europe where they have the best treatment. She got surgery, tumor removed and 1 year she did chemo and radiotherapy and she was free for only one year. So on May 2020 tumor came back, again, surgery and chemotherapy for one year, only this time it's a different kind of chemo where she gets it trough a port right in her head instead typically in the veins wich according to the doctors might have more succes. In comparison with the first therapy it's better because she didn't lose weight so much, is a bit stronger and her hair strangely didn't fall but the down side is she is starting to lose her mind and forgets more and more things.

Luckily we don't have kid's, lucky on my side because i am overloaded with enough things already. We are foreigners in Austria, her family lives in Romania and i don't really have a family except my mother who doesn't love near us and only visits maybe 1 time every two months. So I'm alone in taking care of everything

I work 12 hours every day as a truck driver, so im gone from home for 13 hours. Because I'm the only one with income so my wife's insurance is paid and her transport every day to the hospital where she gets her treatment. I have to clean the dishes, wash the clothes, go shopping, clean the house, since we have 3 cats that my wife loves and we can't live without, put food for the cats, clear the cat litter, get rid of the hair the cats leave behind and so on. Her family doesn't know her tumor came back and we have to keep it a secret because they live in Romania and couldn't help us anyway. Her brother lives not far from us but he isn't helping.

So im left alone to cary for everything, from managing the money to managing the house. This morning i came from work and everywhere there was cat vomit because my wife tried to help and gave to the cats food, sadly it wasn't cat food and was some kind of fat but didn't noticed because of her treatment affecting her brain

I'm starting to question my life and how long i can do this. We haven't had any sex, understandable of course, in almost 4 years. I know her therapy comes to an end soon and she has to recover for another year, but what if tumor comes back? How long can i do this?

I've smoked pot for 2 years almost and helped me with the stres but i got of it because it's illegal and if i get cought i lose my driving license and we depend on my job.

I know the real struggle is her struggle and maybe I'm just a pussy. That's why im writing here and never told anyone about my struggle.