Yeah, I know har har there's cuck / cuckqueens or whatever. Maybe I'm describing an open relationship or poly, but the thing is I have no desire to see anyone outside of the relationship. One person to truly care for in that intimate way is already too much for me. I'm a monogamous person who prefers polyamorous partners.

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No, it's not sexual for me and it's not like I'm intentionally seeking out cheaters. In my last long term relationship of 6 years, I caught my partner cheating about 3 years in. I was hurt that they lied mainly, and after putting them on ice for a few days, I eventually told them don't worry about it. Just check for STI's and if you stop loving me just let me know up front and we won't need to waste each other's time.

Initially they continued to be cautious and there were a few cool arguments over their "not technically a lie" lies. I don't need the details if that bothers you, but if the lies inconvenience me, then why do something that is more work for both of us? Eventually they started to actually believe me when I requested they spend a weekend with their paramour so I could have the house to myself for a few days.

When my mom told me she got her own apartment because she didn't like being around my dad all the time, I instantly understood and wished for the same. I always idolized the lifestyle of some artists or photographers who would travel for work 6 months out of the year and come back to their wives/husbands. To my surprise, so many people think it's weird. Never mind finding a partner who is cool with it. Being cheated on gave me the life I wanted.

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They were happier, more appreciative, and more attentive. I could get plenty of alone time without feeling guilty or obliged. There was less pressure to be the everything. We had nights apart. I could plan week trips without them. If our libido's didn't match, there was no guilt, no therapy, no souless sex. When there was sex, it had so much more oomph. I had someone I loved, who took care of me when I needed it, and knew had my back - but I also didn't have to attend to their every need, to be their everything. When the dust eventually settled, I felt so much lighter.

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Being single now, it's been such a pain when I've told potential partners, "I really don't mind if you want to see other people." They either assume I want to cheat or they think I don't care about them. In an odd way, I feel like I'm the same boat as Cake Eaters, just the other side of the coin. It's taboo in a different way. I'm either victimized, labelled as someone with low self esteem, or people think I'm being taken advantage of. My cake is being able to abruptly leave for a week or relish in my hermit ways without feeling like I'm a shitty partner for just being me.

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Anyways, I only mention this because after reading this sub and having several shame ridden friends that are Cake Eaters, I empathize with the subsection of people that beat themselves up over it. I feel like society's sexuality is too rigid and makes those on the outside feel unnecessary pain, pressure them into feeling immoral, or pressure them into breaking their own personal morals. It's only a shame that there are people who are content with Cake Eaters, and there are some Cake Eaters would want to be with those people, yet it's made astonishingly difficult.