I’ve only been in one relationship where our sex drives were in near perfect sync. We both wanted it every opportunity we could and we were always happy to oblige an urge. It was great fun but we also wore each other out and lost a lot of sleep together. Things didn’t last because we had less in common outside our mutual sexual desires.

Im in a comfortable and very stable, loving and supportive long term relationship now. We have so much in common on so many levels. Our sex life is really good though fairly predictable. There are consistent specific times of the day and week that my partner prefers and when it isn’t one of those times it’s just off the table. I can ask for it and will be told no or that we’ll get to it later, always at the regular time.

We share the opinion that we are not responsible for our partners sexual gratification. It’s like having tea. If offered, it’s ok to decline if you don’t want tea right now. My partner will even encourage me to have a cup of tea on my own if I’m craving one.

It’s odd that I grow tired of having tea by myself even though I know my partner will join me for tea on a pretty regular and predictable basis and that tea time together will be enjoyable when it happens.

I’ve asked my partner if they’d mind me having tea with other people and I was told that if I chose to do so, it should be done discretely and not at home because they would be jealous and prefer me not to.

I’ve always respected those rules. I enjoy experiences with other partners when they come along. Usually it’s making a friend while I’m traveling for work. Over time I’ve grown less enthusiastic about one time hookups on work trips and would prefer to make friends with someone nearby to hang out with on a regular basis. I crave what I don’t get at home. I want experiences that never involve a bed or a bedroom. I want someone who is impulsive and adventurous in the same ways that I want to be. I want a friend to hang out with regularly like any other friend I hang out with and do things with regularly. It’s just having a piece of cake with a friend is all. Everyone likes cake right?

What do you think? Let’s get philosophical together :)