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1. Do you think it’s bad to need another person’s help? Why?
2. Where in your childhood did you get the message that you shouldn’t need help?
3. What does needing me, relying on me, depending on me make you feel?
4. Were there any people in your childhood upon whom you felt comfortable relying?
5. Do you think everyone else has already worked out all their issues?
6. Would you judge your friend for going to therapy?
7. Do you believe there’s a time limit for therapy?
8. Do you know what counter-dependence is? (Then name it and define it for her.)
9. Are you afraid that I’ll disappoint you? Abandon you? Hurt you in some way?
10. Are you worried that I might be judging you for needing help?
11. Why do you hold yourself to impossible standards?
12. Do you realize that you’re not allowing yourself to be human?

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Excerpt From: Webb, Jonice. “Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect.” iBooks. 

The above is in Chapter 10, where Webb is talking to other therapists, and telling them to confront patient statements regarding counter dependence.

When I heard the definition of counter dependence, it triggered part of me. I had to shut off the audio book for a while to mull this over. Later I exttacted this from the epub and attempted to answer this. This is the first time I have been verbally triggered this way to blend with another part.

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1. Do you think it’s bad to need another person’s help? Why?

Yes. If you need them, they have control.

1. Where in your childhood did you get the message that you shouldn’t need help?

Where in my childhood was there reliable help to be had?

1. What does needing me, relying on me, depending on me make you feel?

Vulnerable. Exposed. On thin ice. Wary. Frightened. I put a lot of work in this to NOT be dependent on you.

1. Were there any people in your childhood upon whom you felt comfortable relying?

Fully comfortable? No. Tom Ingerson, our explorer post advisor was ok, I wasn’t expecting immanent betrayal, but I wouldn’t count on him for any sacrifice. Al Stage the head of the troop committee of the scout troop I ran started at age 18 the same.

1. Do you think everyone else has already worked out all their issues?

I think that everyone else is setting themselves up for disappointment and betrayal.

1. Would you judge your friend for going to therapy?

No. Nor do I judge myself. But I do not depend on my therapist. We have mutual respect for each other, but I do not take much unquestioned away from a session.

1. Are you afraid that I’ll disappoint you? Abandon you? Hurt you in some way?

Afraid? No. Expect? Yes. When I stop paying the bill, you will stop working with me. If I have sufficient intransigence on an issue, you will stop working with me. If either of us loses the respect and trust in the other, we will terminate our relationship.

1. Are you worried that I might be judging you for needing help?

No. I can do that for myself. I judge me for needing help.

1. Why do you hold yourself to impossible standards?

A man’s reach should exceed his grasp, else what’s a heaven for?

1. Do you realize that you’re not allowing yourself to be human?

Should I allow this? Why?

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The above was Rebels's answer while I was blended with him.

When I'm Me, I know I depend on other people. But I've been Rebel enough to work hard to not be overly dependent. What's overly? When they betray you, abandon you, demonstrate that they really don't care, it's ok if it's an inconvenience. But it shouldn't destroy your life and bring chaos raining down on your head.