Hello :) First post ever on Reddit, searching to share experience and seek advice from people who went through similar phases.

32F, I have cptsd due to traumatic childhood (violent/ abusive parent). Has a result, my libido / sex life has always been a mess : I have aftersex guilt, penetration often hurts, very low libido. As soon as I am in a stable relationship, sex scares me, I try to avoid it as much as possible but I use to force myself by fear of being abandoned.. I am in a stable heterosexual relationship since 5years with a very understanding and respectful man.

I am in therapy since 3 years, navigating all of this. I finally reach a step where my body starts healing... I physically feel things better, it's hard to describe and very new to me. And I think about sex ALL THE TIME. My libido is sky rocketing, for the first time ever I have happy sexual relationships without the aftersex guilt and the physical pain. And I can never get enough of it.

My psychologist told me to be careful because it is a moment where people can engage in risky behaviors. It also worries me a bit, because I know I always had an interest for bondages and BDSM, but now that I have a strong libido, I feel like experiencing a lot of stuff.. I want to try bondage, feel candle wax on my skin, get spanked, and more.. I don't want to repress my new feelings but will I regret if I try ?

I love all those changes, but sometimes it feels too much, and some other times I am scared it will pass and I'll be back to my sad no libido life... I feel totally lost.

Did some of you went through similar experiences? Can you share? Any advice on discovering your sexuality while healing from traumas ?