Last Tuesday, at trampoline lesson coach asked me at the end to practice forward somersaults on floor mats. I did about 10 and stopped, as I was shaking, particularly on my right arm and hand.

I attributed it at the time to be at the end of the session, and I was just tired.

Today I decided to work on it more here.

Observations & somatics:

This takes some, "screw your courage up to the sticking point" although I've yet to get hurt doing it.

After doing 5 here, I was shaking inside. I write 5 minutes later. Serious adrenaline flow. Tight just below sternum, to the point of mild pain. Tension in neck, shoulders. Breathing takes conscious effort, like you have when you almost had a car accident. Sick to my stomach

Emotions:

Intense wariness. Chilled, but not frozen. Scared of something, more definite than the general 'here be tigers' but not nameable.

Analysis:

Emotional flashback?

But why that trigger?

Front somersault starts from a squatting position, knees shoulder width apart, arms in front, elbows bent, hands even or above your head. Go forward, land on your hands, push off with your feet. Done right, your head never touches the ground.

Possible generators:

• This is very close to a defensive position when on the ground being kicked, beaten. Or tickled.

• I think being inverted is part of this. When I do a front tuck on the trampoline. (Knees up to chest, grab calves with your hands) I don't feel this fear.

• I was molested as a toddler. Was I held in this position? If so, I can try to duplicate it while sitting or lying using an athletic training band to simulate the holding.