A book Iread recently claimed, "Your identity depends on your community" And I can see this is true of you're a member of non-mainstream communities that are subject to discrimination and prejudice. But intially I wondered, "I don't have a community. Not really. Do I have an identity.

One of the things I've worried about: Given how much my life has been shaped by trauma, if I can heal, will I be the same person? The answer, is "mostly yes" And it will be a better person that you will like better, a less unhappy person. I'm not there yet, but I feel the changes. It's far more likely to confound the people you know than trouble you.

Went down the internet rabbit hole, and came up with a bunch of different ways to look at identity.

So I have created a few questions, that helped me.

Finish the following sentence, several ways.
"I am a _______" possible answers 'farmer, musician, how you make a living' Major roles 'mother, father, breadwinner' Identifying communities 'gay' 'Black' 'Chinese' 'Roman Catholic'

Add to this list. It's ok if you have a dozen or more.

Finish the following sentence, in several ways. I believe that _______ Fill in with something that you find important. Can be God, can be statements of how we as individuals should behavie. E.g. for me "I believe I am a steward of the land. I need to care for it, help it heal" I belive that all people, not just the wealthy should have access to good education, affordable houseing...

Finish the following sentence in several ways.

I get angry when _________

Finish the following in several ways.

I am afraid of _________ This one is harder to do. Take a good look at the angry resposes, and see how many of them are hidden fears. It's ok. You can move stuff around. As an example, lot of folks get angry when they see programs that help immigrants. But underneath they are afraid of losing their jobs, afraid of being marginalized. For me until recently "Not having control" and "being vulnerable" would be at the top of the list.

Same idea: I am sad when....

I spend my time thinking about....

This one is different. Shows where you spend your mental effort. You may want to try assigning percentages to it.

For me, for the last year the #1 issue has been "trauma and recovery" followed by "Sex" "trampoline" farming. Two years go, sex wouldn't have been on the top 10, and trampoline not there at all.

Now play with your list.s

If you do these on a spreadsheet, it's easy to move stuff around. If you want you can assign scores for how important each one is to you.

I've not finished with this yet. But just playing with this idea, I'm a lot more comfortable being me.