Comparision isn't an emotion, but it sparks them up. This can be a real monkeywrench in both our self worth and in our relationships (all) with others.

It's pervasive. We do it consciously. We do it unconsciously. While we will compare, we can choose whether to let that comparison affect our mood and self concept. Think to yourself, "Have a great swim" wishing them well. "Thank you for pacing me" "What can I learn from your example?" "Can I do anything to lift you up to my level"

“Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other—it’s trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out. Comparison says, “Be like everyone else, but better.”

Excerpt From: Brown, Bren. “Atlas of the Heart : Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (9780399592577).” iBooks.

You have to have some degree of similarity to compare. I swim, and I don't panic in deep water. I don't compare myself to Mark Spritz.

Being first in a group of similar people makes you stand out. You often end up in some way becoming a leader in that group. You see this in kids competing to be the most badass, and a different group of kids competing to be valedictorian.

But we compete in little ways too. One of my favourites when I used to run regularly on an indoor track was to lap someone. Anyone. Bit of a warm-fuzzy -- "I am not the slowest person here" And I felt chagrin when someone lapped me.

Comparison either upward or downward can be either good or bad. If we find ourselves 'not enough' it can inspire us to try harder. It can demoralize us. Downward comparions can make us feel superior (not often a good thing) or can depress us, or possiby goad us to working harder. Commonly we do not usually do the positive stuff, but end up with the negative feelings of fear, anger, shame and sadness.

We need to be aware of it, be aware of the emotion is setting up inside us, and through language choose a story. "The story I'm telling myself is..."

Language can affect how we interpret emotions, and can actually change the emotion we feel.

Self comparison can be useful, and we can use other people as sloppy measuring sticks. Using the running example, "I was able to keep up with Robert for the first 15 laps. Last time he ditched me at 12 (my running partner 15 years younger, and 4" taller, and much leaner than me) So now I'm comparing me to me. (Eventually I could keep up with Robert for the entire run, and we would pace each other. 3 years that took)

When we can be positive about comparison, wishing them well, striving to match, helping others to achieve, we start forming tenuous connection with people.