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I had a really rough childhood. Emotional and physical abuse and witnessing the same with my siblings. I have two kids myself now. I get set off really easily by them and I hate myself for it. I snap at them and raise my voice all the time it seems. I come to my senses fairly quickly and always apologize and try to comfort them but I can't help but feel like I'm just continuing the cycle. I'm doing therapy, groups, EMDR, self help books, meditation and more. Does anyone have experience having acted this way towards their kids and not fucked them up? They are 3 and 7 right now. I'm working hard to recover but I feel like by the time I do the damage will be done, if it's not already.
My mom hit me out of anger, withdrew affection for days or hours to manipulate me, and attempted to humiliate me in front of my friends if I so much as annoyed her.
I consciously let that cycle of abuse die with me. My children will never know what it is like to be treated that way by a parent.
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I haven't moved past it. Not entirely. I am in the process of trying to forgive her for her abusiveness. She was herself the recipient of childhood trauma; however, not to sound venomous, my mother was no phi beta kappa and in fact quite lacking in common sense. In any event she was never able to see herself as an abuser. I've been coping and angry for decades and only recently approaching the potential for forgiveness.
When it came to my children, though, I just decided I would not continue her cycle. I had that proverbial epiphany at their births - holding them in my arms so helpless and dependent, appreciating that, along with their mother, I would be their custodian while their tiny brains developed for 18 years, maybe more. They would annoy me and try me and infuriate me in that time but that would be part of their growth and not their fault and at no point would I ever treat them the way I was treated. That's it. I took accountability for ending abuse.