My mother was a trafficking victim. All of my abusers were trafficking or abuse survivors. Some of them had the same or similar mental illnesses as me.

I have two different issues with this that upset me.

I humanize them and love them. This opens me up to being disappointed and abused by them, as well as traumatized further when I try to keep them in my life. It also degrades my self worth and causes so many problems that I don't want my family to have control of.

I identify with them to some extent. Some of them were queer or mentally ill like me. Some were interested in certain obscure topics, like magick or mathematics or scientific research, and liking the same things as them makes me feel strange. In many ways, it is like they attached a negative sense of stigma to things I used to love. I hate that they have that kind of power over me; much of that is simply automatic and feels like it's a quirk of my neurology now.