I think "forgive" is too strong of an expectation. I shot for understanding instead.

Without going into gory detail my mom beat me and ignored me and occasionally humiliated me throughout my childhood as a means of securing her authority and curbing behavior that annoyed her. I'm sure this led to peaking and troughing cptsd and adhd which I have struggled to succeed materially and flourish emotionally in spite of. When I had my kids I consciously determined to end that abuse cycle. Later as my mom developed dementia I decided to move her in without having resolved any of the issues I carry from the abuse. This obviously put me back in close quarters with her and my longstanding resentment has been a constant influence on the care I try to provide for her. I won't forgive her but over the years I have come to understand that she was herself emotionally malnourished by her parents, poorly trained in relationship matters, and regretfully not terribly intelligent. She had a lot ot overcome before having children and she simply didn't overcome it. I understand that about her. During one of our last conversations about our relationship during my childhood she said "some women are just not meant to be mothers" so I guess she also arrived at an understanding about herself. It doesn't change anything that happened and I won't let her off the hook for it but the understanding does bring an element of peace to the cerebral chaos I've been dealing with.