I was abused as a toddler about age 3. No memory (yet...) of it.

Last night:

Dream, flashback or reality: sensation of choking on a big sticky mass of phlegm. At the time is seemed so real, even reaching for my water bottle after. My coughing and choking didn’t wake up my partner. Was quick. Was forever. Timeless. I don’t currently have any congestion or sinus stuff going on. Weird. I wonder now if it was a somatic flashback from a wadge of semen.

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​Can a flashback give me all the feelings of an event without taking over? 

Can I still be Me, but feeling what little me did all those years ago? 

I felt like there was a Me in charge using words, trying to inhale carefully to not get the wadge in my windpipe to get enough air to try another cough.  But that could be Lefty, adding a narrative thread after.  I *didn't* think to roll over to get gravity helping, yet that's what all my first aid training says.