Ok so I don't have "big trauma", but after narrowing down the possibilities, it seems trauma is the only way I can describe my situation. I have an ageplay fetish where I like to wear diapers, baby clothes, use pacifiers and be treated like a baby.

When I was a child my mom was an in-home babysitter, so there were alot of babies around me growing up. constantly. When I was 4 or so I tried to put on a diaper, and got reprimanded for it. I kept doing it as I got older. I think its cause I was jealous of the other babies, and I needed more attention. I saw that all these babies were getting attention, because they were babies, so I want to be a baby.

I noticed that my reoccuring fantasy is very related to my living situation growing up. The reoccuring fantasy is that I'm at a friend's house and I find out that my friend wears diapers. So then my friend's mom is changing him, and notices my curiorisity. She then "asks" (doesn't give me a choice) if I want to wear diapers. Then she would treat me like a baby whenever I'm at her house. This is exactly what I wanted as a child, but the difference is in the fantasy it is at someone elses house instead of mine.

Another theory I have is that trauma is caused by the fact that my mom wouldn't approve of my negative emotions. She would threaten to send me to "anger management classes" when I was mad. Its possible that I imprinted that babies are allowed to experience emotions while I'm not, so I want to be a baby.

So I guess my question is it unhealthy to be engaging in a trauma-based fetish? It seems unhealthy to me. If I work on the trauma, will the fetish go away? I want it to go away.