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Hi friends.
So, to start, I have dissasociative disorders and personality disorders and.. for as long as I've been alive, I never identified with my given name. I've never identified with any name, honestly. Maybe it's due to the fact that my "nicknames" (fatty, shamu, stupid) were used in place of it so much and it was only really used when I was in trouble.
My trauma therapist has been very worried about my depersonalization and derealization for the past 3 months or so. She says that due to my inherent extreme self awareness that my moments or even days and weeks of disassociating aren't presenting the way they would in others but that I am so disconnected from reality and experiences and even people that she had predicted my run with extreme SI and SH obsessions. She says that right now, I don't see myself as.. real. Worth anything. Connected. And that because of that, I don't desire interpersonal connections (also due to my NF drilling it into my head that I can't rely on anyone but myself) or even have many. I have one close friend and my dog and that's good enough for me. A quick note is that I also don't identify with any pronouns or gender. And it isn't that I don't just identify, it's that I don't.. care.. what people call me. How I'm seen doesn't effect me.
That said, I've been wondering about this idea of changing my name. I haven't figured out a name. Haven't even put much thought into it. I have an appt to speak to her on Monday and so I think I will talk to her more about it. I've texted her about it and she says it may help me reconnect to reality.
So, I guess my question here is.. has anyone done this and not due to anger or resentment or transitioning or anything like that? Has anyone done this to reconnect to the world? Has it worked?
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- 3 years ago
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