this is my first time ever posting on a mental health related reddit thingy so pls bare with me. i just feel like no one in my life understands what i’m going through. also, in my culture mental health, mental illness, and anything related is highly stigmatized. it baffles me that there are still people that believe it’s not real, and it truly disappoints me that those people are my family. specifically my parents and grandparents since i don’t talk to most of my family anyways.

i literally had visited my grandma over the weekend in hopes of getting some support. while i was there she told me about some lady she follows on fb that talks about her 21yo son that committed su*cide and how it was so sad and such a tragedy (which it is). it’s just like, i’m also sitting there, as a 20yo person who’s tried to open up to you about my mental health struggles & you downplay it and tell me i need to think positive and pray. i also reached out to my abusive mother to tell her i was struggling, and her response was very surface level as well. mind you, my mom has been there throughout my teens in which i literally got hospitalized for self harm.

lately, i’ve been really struggling and the su*cidal thoughts have been getting more frequent. and i wonder if anyone in my life would even care. they don’t care while i’m here. but better yet, it’s the fact that i know there would be so much fake boo-hooing after i’m gone, but no real support while i’m here?? and i’m literally telling you i’m struggling, you can see it in my eyes and my whole demeanor. there’s just so much suffering in life and i don’t know if i can take it. i just feel so alone and idk how to make it better. i know i have friends and associates that support me to some capacity, but it really fucking hurts that i don’t have family that give a real fuck about my life. they won’t give a fuck until it’s too late…